dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
