Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she pinky promised me she was 18
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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