If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
