My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
