I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
