So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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