so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
