If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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