Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Randomize
