did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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