go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ugly people sure do ruin things
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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