wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
i think my cat just said my name.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
