I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize