Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
