you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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