you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
