Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
