YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How's work?
Spinning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
