New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
