apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
