Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
