it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
there is glitter all over my balls
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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