hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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