It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
