you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
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