I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
