I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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