I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this beer tastes like vomit already
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
