i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He shit in the fireplace
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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