i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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