this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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