apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
