i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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