what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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