you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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