made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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