I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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