3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
