life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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