Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
