she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
