This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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