After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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