Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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