ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
