then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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