Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
