I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
