Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
