the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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