how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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