How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
