so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
