so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
