i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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