Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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