so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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