look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
