We got so high we made milksteak
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
