i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
