Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I party with great urgency now.
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