Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
