kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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