I'm eating all of the evidence.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize