i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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