i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
