i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
