Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
