So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
