I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
