I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
