My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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