everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize