I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
