Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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