dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
