You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
