i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
