..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
