YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
